|[Note Guidelines] Photographer's Note|
|Taken while speeding down the Swedish highway, from Märsta towards Sundbyberg, after my first and last visit to my husband's aunt, Bibban or Barbita, who was sick with cancer. She passed away on the 15th January 2005 and this sunset is dedicated to her.|
:: Bibban - 15 Jan 2005
Bibban passed away today, after much struggle, and with much struggle. In truth, I hardy know her or felt her. I met her once when she laid fasten to her sickbed physically (but not mentally). I spelled her name once (and I am glad I remember how to spell her name again). I decided not to take a photo of her (in her sickbed) because being sick is not the most fortunate and memorable moment to freeze in time. But maybe I should have taken that photo, now that I remember how optimistic and bubblily she appeared at a time when she was fighting against death.
Now, graciously, her physical pain is relieved and one would like to think she must be at a better place. Now, there is both grief and happiness amongst ones who loved her and misses her; mostly grief forced to transform into happiness through our defense/ healing mechanism against persistent pessimism.
At first I ignored. I had been praying for her release. Afterwards I listened to my in-laws and their older-aged reflections into their fears, confusions, expectations and emotions. Then I made a few statements that are infinite to the illusive realms of death before shifting the attention on our dying christmas tree...
Bibun has left us and though we did not know her as much as one should have and could have, she lives on in our events of crossroad reflections and memories. I hope she is with us and that she can hear our thoughts that are illuminating around her and to everything that she has given to us, without even knowing. I hope she now knows. I hope she now has more closure than she could have when she was only human and alive.
In my unrest, it was the best time to finish up the last tree chapters of Patrick White's sobering "The Tree of Man" and the ending brings about the same tannins to the reality I am experiencing:
" So that, in the end, there was no end. " - by PATRICK WHITE, THE TREE OF MAN (nearly titled "A Life sentence on Earth")
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